Thursday, 3 December 2009

Grumpy Old Women

I'm grumpy today. Lost car keys mean I'm stuck at home for the day with two children (one of which should be at school but due to lost car keys.....) who are intent on killing each other and driving me to the brink of insanity in the process. So I'm going to indulge myself with a moan and a whinge Grumpy Old Women style.

"I'm-not-sending-cards-I'm-donating-to-charity" emails

Guaranteed to make me see red. Okay, I get the sentiment, but really, you're going to donate your £2.99 to Protect the Donkeys* instead of sending a few cards? Why not send charity cards? Why send an email at all? It is possible to send cards and donate to charity, does it really have to be one or the other? To be quite honest, I'd probably not notice you hadn't sent one at all and sending an email to me just highlights the fact that you are being a bit of a knob. There's two reasons in my mind why people send these emails the first being they're just being damn lazy and can't be arsed and two, because they're showing off about donating to charidee. People who mouth off about donating to charity should probably be on this list of grumpiness somewhere.

Seeing as the majority of these emails I receive come from work colleagues I've decided that this year everyone who sends me one will not get fed at our Christmas party. "Sorry, none for you my love, yours has gone to the Sally Army."

You can't hang emails over your fireplace to make it look all festive can you? Just don't send me the email at all. Ta.

*insert other pointless charity here

Political correctness

The world has gone crazy. In an attempt to offended nobody we just rile everybody. Examples of political correctness madness;

In 2002 Home Office minister John Denham was slapped on the wrist for using the phrase "nitty gritty" because it dates back to slavery. I wonder if this company receives bagfuls of hate mail for their hideous and disrespectful use of the term.

In 2006 children in Oxfordshire were no longer able to sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" but instead had to sing "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep". Now, I am a country girl these days and I've seen plenty of black sheep, plenty of white sheep but hardly any rainbow sheep. In fact, no, come to think of it, I've not seen ANY rainbow sheep. I find it quite hard to believe that there are any black sheep out there that feel they've been unfairly treated and discriminated against.

A story based on the Three Little Pigs was turned down for an award because "the use of pigs raises cultural issues" and could offend Muslims. I don't even know where to go with that.

It is of course extremely important to be polite and tolerant at all times however this madness doesn't help situations, it makes them worse. And raises my blood pressure quite a lot.


Get a real job. Simple as.

You can see I'm harassed. It's raining, I have two whinging children with me and armfuls of shopping. No, right now I do not need to be put on one of your guilt trips and you stopping me in the street every time I walk past you does not make me want to support the NSPCC (who in fact I wouldn't support if they were the last charity on this planet) or whatever charity literature you are trying to shove under my nose. It makes me far less likely to support them. And why on earth would I hand my bank details over to a stranger in the street, a greasy lank haired one at that. Why do all chuggers look like failed eco-warriors? Get a wash, and get a grown-up job.


I recently read a hugely irritating article in House Beautiful - an interview with Fiona Cox the founder of Cox and Cox.

"Smell is so important all year round. In the spring I love planting up creamware bowls with fragrant narcissus bulbs, and in summer we just throw open the doors and let the garden in"

"I'm always on the lookout for unusual objects to put in the crackers, whether it's a beautiful shell I found on a beach....."

"This year I'm going to be giving jars of tomatoes in olive oil that we sun dried in Sicily over the summer".

Oh how perfect your life sounds.

Watching Kirstie Allsop scavenging in skips on Kirstie's Homemade Home had the same effect on me. Because we are all that lucky to just "find" useful things in skips without looking like scabby tramps.

We could all have such lovely idyllic lives if we had as much money and spare time as you but we don't so stop trying to make it look like we could. People bleating on about how lovely their lives are kind of make me want to slap them with a wet fish.

and I'll leave it there, as I am in danger of making the black cloud over my head today even bigger.

love & kisses
Mrs M x


  1. I did no cards/charity last (without fanfare I must add) year and my Grandma absolutely exploded. On the phone she said "where's my Christmas card?", I said "I'm not sending any". She called me a scrooge and I've barely spoken to her since. That's worked out well for her!

  2. I'm so with you on the chuggers. I got chugged at my own front door, MY OWN FRONT DOOR!!!, the other day. The lady was perfectly nice but they're trained to within an inch of their lives to ask you questions that you can't disagree with - "We help children, that's a good thing, isn't it?", "We're only asking a couple of pounds a week, that's worth it for the kiddies, isn't it?", "You don't want to look like a heartless, penny-pinching cow, do you?" etc etc. I told her coming to my door to get money off me/make me look bad (depending on how successful they are) is not on at all and sent her off with a flea in her ear.

    Feel the controlled rage of the householder forced into a corner! Haha!

  3. Haha, nice post - I can identify with everything you've written!

    Something that really annoys me... when you're driving somewhere that you're unfamiliar with and you slow down looking for street names? Then some bugger honks his horn because you're slow. Like we all know every single road in the whole of the UK? The red mist of anger sweeps over me then....

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