Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Neighbours From Hell

I moved to the countryside for peace and quiet. I'd had enough of living on a housing estate surrounded by other peoples noise - drums day and night, dogs locked out all day and barking loudly, footballs being kicked at my fence, lawnmowers at 8am on a Sunday morning...I had it all. It all got a bit much so the For Sale board went up and quicker than you can blink we were out of there.

So now I have my own little patch of peaceful English countryside. Sure, we live close enough to the airport to occasionally feel that we might have a 737 land in our field but you get used to it and generally it doesn't bother me (boo yah sucks to you Emirates). We live set back off the road so we don't really experience any car noise and the best thing? No neighbours.

No human neighbours anyway. Just a herd of dairy cows. My bovine friends don't normally tend to cause much bother, during the winter they are absent and they start to make an appearance again in the springtime, again, no bother. With the warmer weather comes the gnat infestation - that really is enough to drive me to distraction - I get through countless cans of Raid (they should be sponsoring me at this point) just so I can get through the fog of gnats that congregate in my kitchen of an evening. Yes, this is very annoying and yes I get a bit ranty about it so lets stop with that one right there.

Gnats aside, I've had worse neighbours but last night I was ready to torture, maim and slaughter one of the feckers. Whoever thought the countryside was peaceful has obviously not lived next to a wailing cow. 5am for the past two mornings I have been rudely awoken by this incessant whinging mooing from one particular heifer (I actually think she's lost her calf, hence the wailing which would make her
not a heifer but I am past caring. Yes, this happened last year too). I hadn't got to bed until almost midnight and had to get up for work at 6.30am so I wasn't best pleased, but what can you do? Physically?! What can I do about the damn stupid creature? It's literally howling. It has acres and acres of space to wallow in, why does it have to do it next to my house?

There's only one good place for this darned animal. As the great Lady Gaga once said "Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger" so fire up the goddamn BBQ!

love & kisses
Mrs M x


  1. LOL! We moved to the rural Shire on our return to the UK and all my friends find it hilarious that a towny like me is now in her Hunter Wellies and up to her knees in mud. I know what you mean by countryside noise but so far nothing to these levels yet!

    MD xx

  2. Definitely burger time

    We're also countrybound and I'm having issues with the flies again - why are they all in my garden???

  3. But that's impossible - the flies as all in MY house, right now. Damn it.


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