It must be something about this time of year as three years ago (03-12-2009 to be precise) I wrote this blog post and today I am coming at you with a new one. Apologies in advance for the downright grumpiness of this post and possible use of swearwords, I blame it on a lack of carbs. And wine.
Okay, so not the supermarket BOGOF deals themselves, they can be great obviously but you know when there is only ONE solitary packet of four fingered Kitkats left on the shelf? It makes me want to scream. Why would you put an odd number of packets on the shelf. Why. Just to torment me? Well it works. Even if I desperately needed to buy a pack of Kitkats I would abstain on principal. I'm entitled to two packets goddamit, if I buy that one lonely packet I am being totally ripped off. I refuse to believe that people are so stupid that they only take one packet when they're on a BOGOF deal. Or are they?
Unimaginative radio stations
There must be 10,384,232,231 songs in the world (or thereabouts - I am sometimes prone to exaggeration or perhaps underestimating, who knows) and yet Heart FM seem to have picked 20 songs they like from the past 30 years and have resolved to play them on a constant repeating cycle FOR ETERNITY. I've barely been in my car this week yet I've heard Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" five times in two days. FIVE times. This is a song that was last popular in 1996. Has nobody written anything decent since then? Has someone at Heart FM got a deep-rooted Toni Braxton obsession that they're not sharing with us? I don't know the answer to either question but I do know that I've now switched Heart FM off for good.
People playing music out loud on their mobile phones
Get an earpiece, seriously. You can still enjoy your bad taste in music without inflicting it on the poor unsuspecting public. Why do people feel the need to share their music with everyone whilst walking down the street? Is it attention-seeking? I can't think of any other reason to make yourself look like a complete tool by walking down the street and holding your mobile phone in one hand whilst it's playing some really bad form of rap.
Seat-savers in assembly
Why oh why oh why. The school hall is small. You can pretty much see from every vantage point and lets face it, it's a bunch of 5 year olds reading words off a piece of card not a hit West End musical. You're not going to miss anything by sitting a row or two back so what's with all the seat-saving that goes on in school assemblies? Everyone is so polite "Are these seat taken?" you gesture towards a row of empty seats with strategically placed scarves and bags. Oh yes, of course they are. My bad. By the people too lazy to get to school on time to get their own seat.
People following me around car parks
I don't mean gorgeous specimen of menfolk, brandishing red roses and boxes of Milk Tray, following me around in a completely okay stalkerish type of way, oh no, but those people who see you walking back to your car and decide to follow you to see where you are going in order to get into your space whilst you're still reversing back out of it. On occasion, when I've been a bit bored I've taken the scenic route to my car, bobbing about between the rows in order to throw them off a tad. If the car park has a one way system, this is even better as you can go back where you come from and cackle loudly at the fact that they've driven past your soon-to-be empty space, thinking you were park on the next row. Mwahahahaha. One of the greatest pleasures in life is walking back to your car to drop off some shopping whilst letting people believe you're going to vacate that prime space outside the shopping centre doors. People sitting behind me, waiting for my car parking space gives me the rage and I'll admit that in the past I have faked a telephone call purely to make them wait longer, or so long that they give up and drive off. This is what I have been reduced to by parking space stalkers.
Middle lane hoggers
Move. The. F***. Over.